I’ve been neglecting this blog, and a lot of other things including myself, because I fell into a deep depression. It got so bad that I began having suicidal thoughts. I have the best therapists though and together they helped to pull me out of it. I’m certainly not back to 100% but I am improving and well on my way back to 100%.
I have resumed my reduced calorie diet and have managed to stay well below my daily calorie goals though still staying above 1,000 calories because less than that is torture and can have negative health effects. I bought a lot of low-calorie and considerably healthier food and snacks including salad and little snack cups of veggies and also fruit. Just knowing that I’m sticking to the diet and eating better/healthier foods is really helping to improve my mood. I’m feeling better about my diet and a little bit better about myself. I’m actually looking forward to my next weigh-in at the therapists office next week.
I also am trying to increase my activity level. I plan to clean up our entire kitchen because 1) it needs it 2) I need to clean it up to start cooking again and 3) my parents promised to buy me a single-serving coffee maker if I clean it. 😀 I plan to start taking Aayla for regular walks again which will be good for both of us. Also, once I clean the kitchen, I’ll be able to start cooking again. Today I bought the ingredients for the macaroni dish that my grandma used to make. It seems like forever since the last time I felt well enough to cook. I look forward to get back into the cooking groove again.
The main thing I still need to really work on because it sets me up for whether I feel good the next day or not is my sleep. My sleep schedule is all out of wack. I’m sleeping to much and at odd hours. The doctor that prescribes my meds gave me some sleeping pills but they don’t knock me right out. I still have trouble falling asleep at the “right” time and instead just lay there and hope for sleep to come soon. I’m working on getting up earlier in the day and increasing my activity level so I can sleep at night and only at night. If you have any suggestions on things to do when you can’t sleep, I’d be happy to hear them! I may try reading to help me fall asleep. I certainly have a huge stack of books that I’ve been meaning to read since I got them.
One strange thing that started happening to me since last week is that I find it very easy to cry about anything. I watch movies and start crying at powerful moments like when a character comes into their own and achieves something or a character dies. I watched Star Wars: The Force Awakens the other day and just started bawling when Princess Leia/Carrie Fisher came on the screen. Hell, I’m starting to cry just thinking about it now. I wonder why I keep crying at the drop of a hat? It’s so weird.
I have been able to work on my art through all of this. I’ve created three new artworks since the end of September. You can see them all on my official art site, Dream 9 Studios. The three newest artworks are The Summoning, Pardon Me Pardoning Myself, and Self Inflicted. I plan to make some more Halloween themed artworks before the end of this month. I have several ideas sketched out, I just need to actually do the art work.
That’s all for now. I still have a lot to do.